Today, I’m interviewing Writing Kitten, whose head is so full of stories that it’s grown to an unnaturally large size. But let’s not mention that when Writing Kitten arrives. No one wants to be reminded of their huge head.
And here is Writing Kitten prancing through the door.
Liza: Welcome. What would you like me to call you?
WK: You may call me Tell Ado, after the most prolific of authors, CorineTellado who wrote more than 4000 romance novels and sold over 400 million books.
Liza: Wow…4000. Her head must have been really huge.
WK: *eyes Liza with concern* What made you bring up large heads? I didn’t say she had a large head.
Liza: No reason…
WK: You think my head is too large, don’t you?
Liza: What? No…Well, a little maybe, but not 4000 stories worth. How many books have you written?
WK: Nowhere near that many, but I dream up a new one every night so I’ve got a little over a hundred of them.
Liza: That’s most impressive! You don’t look more than six or seven months old.
WK: I’m six months old.
Liza: And adorable. Tell me about some of your stories.
WK: And have someone else beat me to publication, not a chance. You have no idea how long it takes for me to type out a manuscript! Keyboards are not cat friendly. My claws are always getting caught between the keys. And a couple of my keys have popped off as I pulled my claws out. Now I have to write without using Q or P. Do you know how many words use either a Q or P?
Liza: Not a clue. How many?
WK: I’m a kitten, I can’t count. But my characters can’t purr, pounce or piss, nor be quizzical, queenly, or quixotic.
Liza: So you can’t write about cats, queens, Don
Quixote, or solve mysteries.
WK: Ha! Shows what you know. First rule of writing is ‘write what you know’. So, of course I write about cats.
Liza: But how? If they cannot purr, piss or pounce, what’s left for a cat to do?
WK: You have a very one dimensional view of cats. You must be a dog person.
Liza: I’ve had cats, but I’m presently a dog person.
Picture of my dog, Jess, who doesn't like cats.
WK:*shakes head* People don’t ‘have’ a cat. Cats are independent individuals who answer to no one but themselves. What is yours is theirs and what’s theirs is theirs, end of discussion.
Liza: *mutters* Which is why I have a dog now. Now, back to the interview, tell me some of your stories in that giant head of yours.
WK: I can only tell you about one. An ancient old cat of twenty years dies and returns in the body of a 7 month old kitten—
Liza: Hold on. That sounds like my book.
WK: Is your book about kittens?
Liza: No, it’s about an 80-year-old woman who dies and wakes up in the body of a seventeen year old troubled teen.
WK: Did your heroine wake up and discovered the fur on her face has been braided.
Liza: Close. Cass discovers her face is tattooed like a ghoul from a grade B movie.
WK: See, totally different.
Liza: What other stories do you have?
WK: Well there’s one about a young kitten who falls in love with the head male Cat. She follows him about, enduring his swats and threats of being chased out of his territory. Then she goes off to find him better mice and while she is gone, the tomcat realizes she is all that is good in his life.
Liza: That sounds dangerously like Worst Week Ever…which I wrote, as well.
WK: Perhaps we should talk about something else.
Liza: So tell me about your life.
WK: Well, I was raised by feral cats—
Liza: Hold on, that’s my claim.
WK: You claim you were raised by feral cats?
Liza: Metaphorically, yes.
WK: Well, my actually being a kitten trumps your metaphors.
Liza: Let me guess, your life had been one of adventure.
WK: I’m a little kitten! How many adventures could I have? But I’m not saying another word, until I can retain a lawyer. So, why don’t you share your trailer. That’s really good.
Liza: And for those who can’t extract video—
WK: Do those people exist?
Liza: Sadly yes. There are parts of the world, including the U.S. and Canada which do not have true broadband services.
WK: I hadn’t considered that. You should put up the blurb.
Liza: That’s what I intended to do.
WK: Saving Casey. Now I know why it sounds so familiar. I saw something on an international pod-cast about outrage over defacing public treasures.
Liza: Unfortunately, that was one of Maniac Marketing Kitty’s less than spectacular ideas. Nearly got me arrested.
WK: How about your trailer? Will that get anyone in trouble?
Liza: No. That was done by Danielle Fine. She’s very attentive to the legal stuff.
WK: That’s a great trailer, can Danielle make me a trailer for my book Saving Kitty.
Liza: You named you book— *growls*
*flees for its life*
Liza: Well that ends my interview with Writing Kitty, Tell Ado.
Here’s a bit more about my story
Eighty-year-old Cass wakes up in the body of a troubled seventeen-year-old girl named Casey, which all believe has survived a suicide attempt. Cass intends to turn the girl’s life around, only it’s harder than she expects. All Casey’s troubles have now become Cass’s and someone wants her dead.
And a different Excerpt
When they arrived at a gated estate the size of a small country, her dad pointed to a giant white mass on a hill about a mile or two away. “That’s your mother’s family estate.”
All this wealth hit home with a sickening thud. God help her; she was a trust fund baby. No wonder Casey seemed so screwed up. How could any girl find her self-worth when she owned billions at birth? How do you ask for a job at McDonalds when you can buy the whole damn franchise?
It’s very unlikely Writing Kitty will publish her book…unless she can find a Typing Kitten to work with her…and an Editing Kitten to polish it up.
However, my ORIGINAL version, Saving Casey is written, published and available at all sensible ebook stores.