Thursday, December 27, 2012

The Fabulous D'Ann Lindun Comes to Visit


Liza: This blog has been declared the funniest interview in blogdom. If you agree, please follow me. Otherwise, I'll think you insincere. 

Enough groveling, let's get to the interview:

Liza: Today, a brave young cowgirl with eleven horses, has come to talk about their book, Vaquero. Let’s all say in unison “Hello Miss D’Ann Lindun.”

Liza’s followers: Heloooooo, hi, howdy, hi horses, Miss D, what’s your horses’ names? Lindun:

Liza: Sorry, my followers don’t follow instructions very well.


D’Ann: *Laughs* No problem. Hello everyone.  And my horses’ names are Anastasia, Casey, Cinnamon, Cody, Fawn, Lantana, Layla, Pard, Raine, Skye, Sundae, and just for the record they didn’t help write this story.
 *looks at Liza* Why would you even think that?

Liza: Well, I have author kittens. And now my dog is talking about writing a book. Your horses wrote me an email, so I know they can type, although that must be one impressive keyboard.

D’Ann: My horses wrote you an email?

Liza: Yep.

D’Ann: How would they even get your email?

Liza: I wrote them first.

D’Ann: Why would you write to my horses?

Liza: I thought you might have finally come to your senses about being on my blog and changed your mind. Since horses spend a great deal of time standing around looking grand, and you are so very busy publishing a new book every three weeks—

D’Ann: You’re exaggerating—

Liza: Not by much. Anyway, I asked them— Hold on, I have the emails.

 Dear Horses,
Will you remind D'Ann she foolishly asked to guest blogged on my site on Dec 28th. I sent her the attached documents and have not heard back. If she's swamped in edits, will you fill this stuff out for her.

Thanks, have an nice gallop now.
Liza

D’Ann: You wrote "Guest blogged". What does that even mean?

Liza: It means I'm a terrible proof reader. When I get rich, I’m going to hire a full-time editor to sit beside me and correct my errors on everything I write.

D’Ann: Good luck in filling that job.

Liza: Back to the email conversation, a short while later your horses responded:

Sorry, Liza.
We kicked D'Ann in the butt, and she got moving.
the horses

D’Ann: I’m not comfortable with you becoming pen pals with my horses. Nor did I appreciate being assaulted by my own horses.

Liza: Sorry about that, but I didn’t actually tell them to kick you.

D’Ann: No, you asked them to fill out the material, but evidently, they concluded it was easier to kick me. *rubs butt* Can we begin the interview now?

Liza: Nope.  I want to go straight to your excerpt

D’Ann: Can I give your followers the blurb first?

Liza: Later. Nope.

D’Ann: Why?

Liza: Because this may be the best excerpt I’ve ever read. Only it’s long, so I want it up front before people stop reading. (Followers, don’t roll your eyes at me. I know you start skimming halfway through my blogs. I’ve turned your cameras on so I can track the movement of your retinas. Halfway through you either have a seizure or you start skimming.)
Crap, now they’ve put their thumbs over the camera hole.

D’Ann: Can’t really blame them. Watching their retinas is a bit creepy.

Liza: Here’s D’Ann’s fabulous excerpt from Vaquero, a contemporary western suspense that promises to knock your socks and boots off. (And hopefully those thumbs off the cameras)
***


She abruptly pulled out of his embrace and fastened her dress back together. “I need to get back. Daddy will be looking for me.”
Swallowing his disappointment, Cord said, “I’ll walk you back, chica.”

Her eyes were hard, or maybe it was just the moonlight playing tricks on him. “Chica? Don’t call me that. And you can’t tell anyone what happened between us. This was a mistake. I’ll see you around.” Before he could react, she vanished out the door.

“I’ll see you around.”Had she really just said that? He found his shirt on the floor and, after jerking it on, left the bunkhouse, slamming the door behind him. She teased him, got him hard as hell, then vanished? What the fuck had just happened here?

Just a few feet into the dark, someone stepped in front of him. In no mood to talk, Cord started to push by when the other man grabbed his arm. “You too good to talk to me, Mex?”

Buford LaDelle. Cord sighed. What was the guy’s problem with him? “No, just tired.”

“Worn out from work, or something else?”

Cord jerked his arm away from the bigger man’s grip. “Not that I feel like sharing my business with you, but yeah, I’m beat from roping all day.”

Another man moved out of the shadows. Buford grinned at him. “I think he’s worn out from that little joyride he just gave Shayla. How ’bout you, Spike? Think that’s it?”

“Yeah, I think that’s it,” Spike agreed.

Buford got so close Cord could smell the alcohol on the other man’s breath. “That it, Mex?”

“Get lost.” Cord moved to step around Buford, and the bigger man slugged him. Hard. In the stomach. Not expecting it, he doubled over, fighting to catch his breath. Before he could suck in enough air, one of the men slipped a lariat over his head, pulling it tight against his neck. The other one grabbed his wrists and bound them with a slick leather strap, a rein maybe.

What the hell? It was one thing to have a fistfight over a girl—all guys did it—but he’d never been attacked in the dark and roped like a wild steer before. Cord struggled, and the rope around his neck tightened until he feared passing out. Stars danced in front of his eyes, and his ears felt like they had cotton stuffed in them. He tried to speak, and his voice came out in a hoarse growl. “Let me go.”

Buford chuckled. “Not until you learn your lesson, son. I don’t know how things are done back where you come from, but around here, illegals don’t fuck our women.”

“I didn’t—” The rope dug into his neck, cutting off his words. He was as American as they were, the crazy bastards.

Like a prisoner being dragged to the gallows, Cord was hauled toward the corrals. Every time he tried to speak, one of them jerked the rope around his neck, making it impossible for him to call for help. At the branding pens, Buford yanked Cord up tight against one of the corral posts, securing him like a trussed hog. His nose pressed against the rough cedar pole. He turned his face so his cheek rubbed it instead. Spike pulled Cord’s hands around the pole and tied them, rendering him helpless.

“What now?” Spike asked.

Buford held up something that flashed in the dim moonlight. A knife. “I say we geld him. Cut off his nuts and feed them to him.”

The buddy chuckled. “Good plan. That’ll teach him not to go between the legs of decent white women.”

Cord struggled against the rope binding him until it cut into his neck. Warmth trickled down his neck, and he knew it had to be blood. They were only trying to scare him. No one in his right mind would do something so crazy.

Buford crowded up behind Cord, pinning him even tighter to the fence, and reached around and unbuckled his jeans. They slid down over his hips and thighs. He stood tied, half naked, his jeans and shorts pooling around the tops of his boots, as they discussed what to do next.

“We’re gonna need another couple of ropes to hold his legs apart,” the buddy said helpfully. “I’ll go get ’em. But you’re gonna have to do the cuttin’ ’cause I ain’t touchin’ no other man’s dick or balls.”

Buford considered that, turning the knife in his hands. “Yeah, you got a point about that. I ain’t no queer. But we gotta do something to teach this boy a lesson.”

Cord twisted his hands, desperate to get free, but the tie they’d used tightened with every move. He couldn’t catch a deep breath. Sweat beaded on his forehead and ran down his back. The joke had gone far enough. “Turn me loose and I won’t kick your ass,” he demanded in a harsh whisper.

“Oh my God.” A woman’s voice. Shayla. Out of the corner of his eye, Cord saw her take in the scene. Horror filled her voice. “What are you doing? This isn’t Deliverance. Let him go right now.”

A rough laugh rumbled out of Buford. “Not a chance. Your daddy told us to take care of the problem, and we have it handled.”

“I never agreed to this,” she said stubbornly. “Pull up his pants and turn him loose.”

“We’re just scaring him a little.” Buford’s tone changed to vicious, and he stepped toward her with his fist closed. “Now get on out of here.”

She turned and fled. 

***
Liza: Please tell me Shayla is NOT our heroine.

D’Ann: If you would have let me give the blurb first, you’d know the answer to that.

Liza: Well, give it to us now.



-short blurb-
That should have been placed before the excerpt


When Cordero Ybarra and Aspen O’Hare meet, there is an immediate attraction. But he holds his secrets close, refusing to open up about the night racial prejudice almost killed him. Aspen refuses to trust Cord—or any man. She’s been abandoned one too many times. When another woman lies and says Cord wouldn’t take responsibility for a child they created together, Aspen believes Cord is a deadbeat just like her father. It is only after she uncovers the truth that Aspen realizes Cord is nothing like the men who’ve deserted her before. When an immigrant worker is hanged by the same two crazies who branded him, Cord sees the truth. The shame he’s carried about being the victim of a hate crime is going to cost him the woman he loves if he can’t let go of his past.

Liza: Yeah, that really puts the excerpt in context.

D’Ann: It would have IF you had let it lead the excerpt.

Liza:  My bad.  I wish people would take their thumps off the camera because I want to make sure they are still reading.  I bribed the horses with some fresh grain and they told me all of D’Ann’s secrets. Here’s what I discovered:

Falling in love with romance novels the summer before sixth grade, D’Ann Lindun never thought about writing one until many years later when she took a how-to class at her local college. She was hooked! She began writing and never looked back. Romance appeals to her because there's just something so satisfying about writing a book guaranteed to have a happy ending. D’Ann’s particular favorites usually feature cowboys and the women who love them. This is probably because she draws inspiration from the area where she lives, Western Colorado, her husband of twenty-nine years and their daughter. Composites of their small farm, herd of horses, five Australian shepherds, a Queensland heeler, ten ducks and cats of every shape and color often show up in her stories!


Liza: Sounds like a delightful person, right? Well read on my friends...read on: 

........BREAKING FOXLIKE NEWS....NO TIME TO FACT CHECK......

D’Ann Lindun has admitted to cannibalistic cravings. 
She wants to grill and eat a fellow author.

D’Ann: No I don’t!

Liza: You said, and I quote: Anne Stuart-I’d grill her like a fish on how she makes her alpha men so wounded, and yet so yummy sexy.

D’Ann: I was speaking metaphorically. You asked me who I’d like to be stuck on a deserted island with!

Liza: Yes, and Anne Stuart is no doubt taking a restraining order out against you even as we speak and will make sure she’s never on any island with you, so you’ll need to find someone else for dinner.

D’Ann:  *grips head* Why did I come on your blog?

Liza: I’ve no idea. Did you not read my other interviews with authors?

D’Ann:  Yes, but you appear to be getting worse.

Liza: Do you hear that Fox News? I’m getting really good at fabricating news. You need to hire me!

D’Ann: Can we end this blog please.

Liza: Are you sorry you came?

D’Ann: Getting there.

Liza: Then my work is done.

Followers, FOCUS! 
No more skimming. 
It’s time for the links to D’Ann’s fabulous book: Vaquero.


BUY LINK



D’Ann’s Links

BLOG     FACEBOOK      AUTHOR PAGE



Liza: Let’s all thank D’Ann  and all her horses for coming to my blog today. It was lots of fun…for me anyway.

D'Ann: Thanks for having me over, Liza. It’s always a hoot!

35 comments:

  1. That is the most hilarious interview I've ever read on the net! I love it! Thanks for a good laugh. More seriously, I really enjoyed the excerpt from D'Ann's book. She's an excellent romance writer.

    Jacqueline Seewald
    TEA LEAVES AND TAROT CARDS--now in all ebook formats

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks. I preen when people laugh. Glad to lighten your day and share a great book all at once.

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  2. Great interview. Great excerpt. Great writer.

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  3. OMG!! I loved this interview! I can't tell you how much fun it was to be entertained from start to finish. Well done, ladies! Well done!!

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    1. I'm so pleased. It wouldn't have been possible with a willing victim...I mean author. D'Ann is a great person and author, and I loved having her.

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  4. I'm stil laughing. I love your interviews. Great job, ladies. I tweeted.

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    1. Thank you. So when your book comes out are you going to let me interview you? It takes a great deal of bravery. D'Ann battles horses, so she's really brave.

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  5. What a hoot - thanks for the interview Liza...and D'Ann, you're a good sport!

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    1. D'Ann is a great sport. I gave her editing rights, but she didn't curb me at all. Which proves she's got a great tolerance for bad behavior. But then she's evidently used to being abused by her horses...
      Do you think Fox News is listening?

      Delete
  6. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    1. By too funny did you mean you've soiled your pants or I went over the fiscal edge with our non-functioning congress...because I want no association those do nothing bums. I do stuff. Mostly write novels and get into trouble, but at least I can point to things and say I did that. (See, writing brief compliments does not curb my response. lol

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    2. Allison, I'm so sorry. I accidently erased your wonderful comment while trying to copy it so I could display it on facebook. And Blogspot will not give it back! I remember your last two words.

      TOO Funny!

      If you would like to return and repeat it. I promise I will not erase it again. As of now I am out of the copying comments business.

      Delete
  7. LOLOLOLOL.....So...hold on, have to laugh again...LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL...pheeeeweeeeeeeeeeee, now this was the funniest interview ever! I enjoyed it so much I had to read it twice.

    On a serious note. D'Ann, your excerpt...ROCKED. I loved it.

    Again, best interview ever!

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    1. Oh, I'm prenning again. Shame I'm not a bird, then I wouldn't look so strange when I preen. Thanks Brenda, and I agree, that was a superb excerpt. Can't wait to read D'Ann's book.

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  8. Hilarious! Yes, just...well, that. Hilarious. Great excerpt, though I would have enjoyed it more had the blurb come first. You know.

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    1. You know me too. But it would have cost be a laugh, so I didn't. Is that terrible or what? I truly am a bad bad interviewer.

      Delete
  9. This interview was so much fun! I needed the laugh. Great job ladies! And a great author!

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    1. Glad you enjoyed yourself and realize what a great author D'Ann is. My job is done.

      Delete
  10. Hahaha you two tickled me. Fantastic interview, ladies. :)

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    1. Thanks for letting us tickle you. I usually get arrested.

      Delete
  11. Very clever interview...I admit to not skimming on any part!

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    1. That's what your camera says too. And you smiled frequently.
      Is this creepy or what?

      Delete
  12. Thanks, everyone, for coming by and joining in the melee!

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    1. Don't let me stop you from responding to each one of these fab peeps separately. I'm sure if I read an article on Blog etiquette, that I should have allowed you to respond to all these lovely peeps, but I couldn't just say nothing when they said so many things about us. While I'll admit removing Allison's very nice compliment was very bad on my part, that was an accident. However, I cannot apologize for talking with everyone. And you have to stop by more because I've decided to leave this up for a bit. I like these people! I wish they had all decided to follow me.

      Delete
  13. That was absolutely crazy!!!! LOL

    Congrats, my friend!

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    1. Yes, I am, and perhaps D'Ann was for agreeing to let me interview her when the prior two went much the same. I hope you had fun and buy all D'Ann's books so maybe she'll come back again.

      Delete
  14. Fantastic interview, ladies. The most bizarre one I've ever read, I believe. But very entertaining. I loved Vaquero--a must read for all romance lovers. Good luck with your other 25 or so books, D'Ann! :) I'm sure they are all just as wonderful.

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    1. Well, I prefer 'funniest' to 'most bizarre' but I'll take that as a compliment because I generally find bizarre 'interesting.'
      Try to convince D'Ann to stop buy with all future books she writes.

      Delete
  15. Too funn!. Really enjoyed the interview!

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    1. I'm glad you enjoyed the interview. Thanks for stopping by. D's glad you stopped by too, I'm just more talkative and won't let her get a word in edgewise.

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  16. OMG! Liza, you have the best interviews ever!! This is one of the first stories I ever read of D'Anns and is still my favorite!! Her books are awesome!! I can't get enough of them! Love Cord :) This was a hoot to read and D'Ann you were a fun guest!!

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    1. Ah, Jennifer, my second interview victim. See D'Ann, there is life after my interview. I accused Jennifer having...well it doesn't matter. No one remembers my false accusations. All the remember is your books.

      Delete
  17. Fabulously fun interview, thanks ladies, am sitting here giggling away at my laptop. Nice one and I love the sound of Vaquero - good stuff! Wishing you lots and lots of sale!

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    1. Thanks Cait. Always pleased to make you giggle.

      Delete

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