Thursday, November 29, 2012

INTERVIEW WITH DEAD KITTY

Well the votes for which kitten I will interview are final.

Dead from Editing, despite my pleas not to vote for the scamp, won with 7.

For those of you who voted for the dead kitten, I need to speak to you privately. Everyone else take a bathroom break.

Are they gone? Good.

Voters of Dead kittens…What is wrong with you guys? 
I’m sending a complaint to your shrinks. And don’t tell me you don’t have one. You just voted for me to interview a dead kitten! You need a shrink. End of discussion.

Lucky for me, I was correct in my suspicion that dead kitty is actually alive and just doesn’t want to do the hard edits to his book. 

But that doesn’t get you off the hook with your shrinks, so start thinking now how you’re going to explain your fetish with dead animals and exactly why it isn’t an early warning sign of the making of a serial killer.

As soon as the other guests returns from their bathroom break I will begin my interview. 

****After an unacceptably long delay the bathroom break ends.****

Welcome. 
As you may or may not know, being an author is not easy. In fact the skills you must acquire to become a successful author are nearly insurmountable. In addition, there are myriad of ways you can blow your prospects.

To help you understand the plight of an author, I located five kitten authors who are struggling in the process. After three days of contentious voting, accusations of faulty ballots preventing some from voting, and  several recounts, the kitten author being interviewed today is


I have to confess, I was a bit worried how I was going to interview a DEAD kitten. However, upon checking for a pulse, I’ve determined that Dead kitten is actually

Source: demonsee.tumblr.com via Liza on Pinterest

So Deadbeat would you like to explain why you are pretending to have died?

***No Response***

As you can see Dead beat is determined to persist in his deadness. At least I think it’s a he. I have trouble telling on kittens.

I anticipated this. So I’ve brought in a gremlin. 

He can get into Dead kitten’s brain and grab his thoughts.

Deadbeat Kitty: Hold on! I don’t want a gremlin in my head!

Liza: Welcome back to life, Deadbeat. Would you like to explain why you’ve pretended to be dead for three days now?

DBK: I’m going to have to rewrite a whole chapter. I switched POV and my editor felt since I wrote chapters 1-12 in the hero’s POV, I should write Chapter 13 in his POV as well.

Liza: Any reason you didn’t do that to begin with?

DBK: I got bored with him. But it turns out he’s more interesting than the heroine, so I returned to him the chapter after.

Liza: Being bored with your hero sounds like a bigger problem than who gets the POV.

DBK: Which is why I’m pretending to be dead.

Liza: I'm confused, how how will that help?

DBK: If my editor thinks I’m dead, she’ll do the changes and fix my book herself, then publish me and because I’m dead, and this will be my only book, it will skyrocket in value and I’ll become a millionaire and a bestseller.

Liza: Deadbeat, or should I rename you Delusional? That is not what’s going to happen. Your editor is going to drop your manuscript into the trash and go on to another kitten who is alive and willing to edit her work.

DBK: Oh...are you sure?

Liza: Pretty sure.

DBK: Then I better get back to fixing my manuscript.

Liza: Hold on. We have an interview to do.

DBK: Now who’s being delusional?

***And off he runs***.

Liza: Well that does it for this interview that never happened. I’m going to interview the runner up,  Marketing Maniac who will do literally anything to get noticed. I’m positive she’ll show for her interview. The imp refuses to get out of my tea cup until she get’s her interview.

Well this is proof positive that persistence pays off. So don’t let a rejection shoot you down. Just keep parking your ass in people’s green tea until you get what you want.

Not literally.

That’ll just get you arrested.






Sunday, November 25, 2012

Help chose a kitten to be interviewed

I NEED YOUR HELP ON CHOOSING A KITTEN, 

JESS REFUSES TO ASSIST ME.


Liza:  I am interviewing candidates for my kitten interview.

Jess: What? Absolutely not!

Liza: Oh come on Jess. It’s time to get over your hatred of cats.

Jess: You get slashed on the tip of you nose and then say that.

Liza: Oh look, your possuem buddy is outside looking for you.
Jess: What? Oh, Let me out! Let me out!

Liza *opens door, let's Jess out, then closes door. * Jess is going to be so pissed when she discovers I lied. Playing Possum possum isn't out there.  I was simply tired of arguing with Jess. I want to interview a kitten.
So I scoured the pictorial world of kittens and isolated the following five candidates. All are new author/soon to be author kittens.

Candidate 1:  What Do I Have to do to Get Noticed Kitten.  10 pts for getting noticed. MINUS 10pts for how you got noticed. Dipping your furry ass butt in my tea is NOT a good start to an interview.






Candidate 2:  I Gave Everything to my Book Kitten. Big mistake there. Now you're in no shape to market your book, nevertheless perform guest blogs. Remember, being an author is a marathon, not a sprint.






Candidate 3:  I Died During Edits Kitten. It happens. Sometimes the process of editing is painful for a new author. However, I'm not interviewing a dead kitten. So stop pretending you're dead and get back to your edits. 

Source: oscci.com via Liza on Pinterest


Candidate 4: Please God, Let My Book be a Bestseller Kitten. Never hurts to call out to the big guy. However, keep in mind the dead kitten above you is probably hogging the prayer line.  And the one below has God on speed dial. So get that cute little pink nose back to grindstone. 

Source: 500px.com via Liza on Pinterest


Candidate 5: Dear God. Don't Make Me Do An Interview with Liza! Kitten. Would you prefer to be interviewed by Jessie. I assure you that would go far worse. Especially when you are baring those sharp claws.

Source: 500px.com via Liza on Pinterest

I can't decide. 


There is so much potential in each of these. Let's have a vote. 

I don't have the energy to round up a vote program, although I probably should learn how to do that.  SIGH!!!!
Is there no end to the new things I have to learn?

THERE IS A POLL ON THE RIGHT SIDE FURTHER UP by the furry marketing genius soaking in my green tea. YOU MAY VOTE THERE OR YOU MAY LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW WITH YOUR VOTE. I'LL COUNT EITHER.

Since I expect no more than 3 visitors, it won't take me more than an hour to count the votes. 

I dream of the day when I have 1501 faithful followers. Then I'll really need a poll counter.

So Choose your Poison....errrr, I mean Kitten.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

BLACK FRIDAY'S DUBIOUS WINNER



Cheryl has won Saving Casey's
temporary face tattoos.



Jess says:
Actually permanent tattoos would be worse.
Liza says: Good point.


Cheryl has won the 2nd. worst gift:



If Cheryl actually puts these tats on her face, she will look approximate like this:



Can you imagine showing up to Family Christmas like this. Good chance the turkey would be dropped and Grams would have to be rushed to the hospital.

At least Cheryl didn't win the black lipstick. 
(I didn't think it very hygienic to offer 
used black lipstick.) 



Let's all say congratulations to the other people who entered the contest and were lucky enough NOT TO WIN.

Way to go girls!

And for anyone who missed my
blog- that's only had one day up
(Jess say's its funny)

Here it is:

SAVING CASEY IS AVAILABLE & READY
 TO BECOME A TERRIFIC
 CHRISTMAS PRESENT,
 FOR YOURSELF AND OTHERS

I'm sure you are all nearly cross-eyed from all your web shopping. Thus, I'm going to try to make this easy on you in three clever ways.



1) LARGE PRINT for your tired eyes.

2) A VIDEO that will tell you about SAVING CASEY.

3) A GOOD CHANCE TO WIN a dubious gift that can translate into serious money. (MORE ON THAT LATER)



For your entertainment, I have an incredible, edgy trailer (created by Danielle Fine/Definition) that tells you about Saving Casey.



Just in case the web is so overtasked that youtube can't download....here's a large printed blurb.


Having been diagnosed with cancer, Cass Goldman decides to opt out of any futile medical care and end her life. While she has some thoughts on afterlife, she never expects to reincarnate into the body of a seventeen-year-old girl named Casey Davidson.
When she awakens in a hospital, Cass discovers two disturbing facts: One, she is now inside the body of a troubled teenager, and two, the former owner of this body committed suicide, but only Cass knows that. Everyone else believes Casey has survived, but suffered a complete memory loss. Cass has two choices: to take on Casey’s life and turn it around, or to confess the truth about her reincarnation and end up in a mental asylum. Given this second chance at life, Cass decides to take on the future life of Casey—the frightening ghoul-faced teen with short, black, spiky hair.
Every person around Cass has an ulterior motive and discovering the truth of Old Casey’s life is more complicated than the “new math” she is forced to learn in school. In addition, Cass has to contend with raging teenage hormones and the prior crimes of Old Casey, which she might not remember, but everyone else certainly does. However, her biggest frustration concerns her feelings for her father’s rugged security specialist who sees her only as a teenager and doesn’t want to explore the mutual attraction between them.
Will her second chance at life prove to be worth the struggles she has to overcome?


WHO SHOULD LIKE THIS BOOK?

Saving Casey will make a great present for 

young adults who get to see an adult try to walk in their shoes, 

parents who struggle to make sense out of their kids, and 

older people who would love to be young again with all their life experiences to help.



Buy Links


About the Author

I live in Denville, NJ with my dog, Jess. We hike in fabulous woods every day, rain or shine, sleet or snow. Having an adventurous nature, I learned to fly small cessnas in NJ, hang-glide in New Zealand, kayak in Pennsylvania, ski in New York, scuba dive with great white sharks in Australia, dig up dinosaur bones in Montana, sky dive in Indiana, and raft a class four river in Tasmania. I’m an avid gardener, amateur photographer, and dabbler in watercolors and graphic arts. Yet through my entire life, my first love has and always will be writing novels. I love to create interesting characters, set them loose, and scribe what happens.

HOLD ON LIZA, YOU PROMISED US A CHANCE AT SERIOUS MONEY....

So I did. 

So, my dubious gift is a set of temp tattoos like Casey's.


ARE YOU KIDDING? THAT'S THE WORST SWAG EVER!


Hold on. Here's a way (if you're slightly amoral) that you can translate the worst giveaway in the history of mankind into cold hard cash.  You put on the facial temp tats, then go to your family members and ask them to contribute twenty bucks each so you can get them removed. 

Please be conscious of everyone's financial situation, and do not take money needed for food or heat. If you do, God might punish you by turning these temp tats into real ones. Also you can expect scathing lectures to accompany the hard cash, and if you've an expressive family, slaps upon the head. 

HMMMM, THIS REALLY IS THE WORST SWAG EVER...
Perhaps, you can give these tattoos along with the ebook, Saving Casey, to someone. This will enable you to have something tangible under the tree. A unique, one of kind gift--a collector's item. I had these custom made for the My Crappy New Life videos. There are none other exactly like them in the whole world. 

I've included a Rafflecopter on the off-chance someone wants the tats either because:
1)  they are amoral and plan to scam their grandparents, or 
2)  they believe Saving Casey will become a best seller and they intend to sell the infamous tats on Ebay when that happens, 

In either case, here's the raffle box for you to enter to win Saving Casey's temp facial tats. Warning: If you enter, you stand an excellent chance of winning, so consider your next move carefully.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Monday, November 19, 2012

RIOT IN PROCESS




Liza: Jess stop rioting and tell me what's wrong.


Jess: You took down the interview with Cass and Troy after one day. I wanted to read it again. It's funny.

Liza: You thought them being unruly and difficult was funny?


Jess: Yes.


Liza: *Sigh*  Okay, the contest has moved on to another site, but here's my interview with Cass and Troy.






Liza: I’m here today with two of my main characters, Cass and her security specialist Troy. Hold on. Cass, where’s Troy?
Cass: I asked him to wait outside the door. I’ve heard about your ‘hard-hitting’ interviews. I feared he might shoot you, if you gave me a hard time like you’ve done to your other victims.
Liza: For the readers who haven’t caught Cass on You-tube complaining about her new crappy life, Cass is a frightening, ghoul-faced teen
and Troy is….*sigh*….heavenly.




Cass: Hey, knock it off. I saw him first.
Liza: Yes, but you are a 17-year-old child and he’s a gorgeous 30-year-old slab of prime beef.
Cass: Yes, but he’s my slab of beef, or will be when I stopped being jailbait.
Liza: Honestly, I’m surprised that would stop you. I’ve never met a more determined character in my life.
Cass: *snorts* It wouldn’t. However, it takes two to tango and Troy is probably the most honor-bound guy I’ve ever met. I worry he’ll still refuse to touch me even when I’m an adult.
Liza: —because you’ll still be his best friend’s baby girl. You may be right. I wrote him as honorable as they come.
Cass: And me as hideous as they come. Did I piss you off in a prior life?
Liza: Actually, I like you a great deal. In fact, I cried when you killed yourself in chapter one.
Cass: About that? Who starts their book off by killing the main character in Chapter One?
Liza: Someone who ignores rules like: do not kill your main character in Chapter one. I thrive at breaking rules and getting into trouble.
Cass: So Old Casey was channeling you.
Liza: *pauses before responding* Wow, I hadn’t thought about that, but yes, Old Casey is a great deal like me. She was all alone fighting the world, just like— Hey! I’m not the one being interviewed. Stop stealing my job.
Cass: Wouldn’t be hard to do. You really are terrible at interviews.
Liza: Well, if I were any good, Fox News Channel wouldn’t want me, now would they?
Cass: Have they actually offered you a position?
Liza: No.
Cass: Then Liza, I think it’s time to start a new book, because your time is better spent writing unique stories rather than interviewing people, bears, geese and characters.
Liza: I'm planning to interview a kitten next.  Hold on! Did you just compliment me?
Cass: *frowns* Maybe. And I did so  despite the fact I’m not happy at all with my ghoulish looks, but at least you opened the door for me to get them removed.
Liza: Yes. I took a picture of you to a real physician who specializes in removing facial tattoos and got his recommendation of treatment.
Cass: But then you entirely ignored him when he suggested I be put under!
Liza: *grimaces* That was a little mean of me.
Cass: A little? I have to endure 8-20 excruciating procedures over the next year.
Liza: At least I made it cheap black ink. That’s the easiest to remove. Had I made it white tattoos you’d be stuck with them forever. Lasers can’t remove the color white.
Cass: Then thank you for not reducing my future career opportunities down to one: working on the streets as a mime.
Liza: Well, I’m sure you would have been an excellent mime, given how expressive your face is even when covered in black.
Cass: Can we return to the interview?
Liza: I’m frustrated with this interview. You keep taking charge of it.
Cass: That’s because mentally, I have more life experience than you.
Liza *gets up and goes to the door. Opening it, she waves in handsome Troy.* Come on in. We need eye candy.
Troy: *eyes narrow* I am not eye candy.
Liza: Yes, you are, but you are high quality candy. You are a dark chocolate truffle.
Cass: Stop flirting with Troy and get back to the interview.
Liza: Troy, any chance you are going to jump Cass’ bones in the next…let’s say five years?
Troy: None whatsoever and change the topic.
Liza: What if I told you Cass was actually an 80-year-old woman who inexplicably woke up in a teenager’s body?
Troy: If I thought you actually believed that, I would suggest therapy. However, your sense of humor is legendary…rather like Hiroshima.
Cass: *nods* Or that Tsunami that hit Asia years ago.
Liza: *big huff* I am never interviewing you two again. You’re too unruly. You can go away now.
Troy: Don’t you still need to tell everyone about the book?
Liza: I do, but I’m no longer in the mood. I’ll let them watch my spectacular trailer created by Danielle Fine. If that doesn’t get them to want to read the book, then you two are taking the blame.




Cass: Wow…someday I’m going to be beautiful!

Troy: *frowns* I’m more concerned over the doubt hovering over your survival. Let’s go. This place isn’t secure enough.
Cass: And thanks Jess for getting us more blog-time.
Jess: Anything for you Cass. 

Liza: Bye, thanks for coming. *Big Sigh* Honestly, I’m not interviewing my characters anymore. It’s like they can read my mind.
Here’s all the valuable information you need to know to buy Saving Casey.  Be decisive!
Click and buy now! It’s unique, like me.
And really good….unlike me.



Saving Casey Available at


Don’t wait!
The super volcano under Yellowstone Park
 could explode tomorrow.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Decandent's Book a Day Giveaway Hop



 Hello everyone!

Welcome to the Book a Day Giveaway Hop.

ReaderAReaderPROMOblue



That’s right! Win a Nook eReader for a friend, plus 45 Decadent Publishing ebooks for both of you!

You can follow the tour here  http://decadentpublishing.blogspot.com/p/giveaways.html

And while it's convenient, follow my blog (look to your right)

Now for my important news:
Saving Casey by Lizo O’Connor

was just released November 16th.






Liza: I’m here today with two of my main characters, Cass and her security specialist Troy. Hold on. Cass, where’s Troy?
Cass: I asked him to wait outside the door. I’ve heard about your ‘hard-hitting’ interviews. I feared he might shoot you, if you gave me a hard time like you’ve done to your other victims.
Liza: For the readers who haven’t caught Cass on You-tube complaining about her new crappy life, Cass is a frightening, ghoul-faced teen
and Troy is….*sigh*….heavenly.




Cass: Hey, knock it off. I saw him first.
Liza: Yes, but you are a 17-year-old child and he’s a gorgeous 30-year-old slab of prime beef.
Cass: Yes, but he’s my slab of beef, or will be when I stopped being jailbait.
Liza: Honestly, I’m surprised that would stop you. I’ve never met a more determined character in my life.
Cass: *snorts* It wouldn’t. However, it takes two to tango and Troy is probably the most honor-bound guy I’ve ever met. I worry he’ll still refuse to touch me even when I’m an adult.
Liza: —because you’ll still be his best friend’s baby girl. You may be right. I wrote him as honorable as they come.
Cass: And me as hideous as they come. Did I piss you off in a prior life?
Liza: Actually, I like you a great deal. In fact, I cried when you killed yourself in chapter one.
Cass: About that? Who starts their book off by killing the main character in Chapter One?
Liza: Someone who ignores rules like: do not kill your main character in Chapter one. I thrive at breaking rules and getting into trouble.
Cass: So Old Casey was channeling you.
Liza: *pauses before responding* Wow, I hadn’t thought about that, but yes, Old Casey is a great deal like me. She was all alone fighting the world, just like— Hey! I’m not the one being interviewed. Stop stealing my job.
Cass: Wouldn’t be hard to do. You really are terrible at interviews.
Liza: Well, if I were any good, Fox News Channel wouldn’t want me, now would they?
Cass: Have they actually offered you a position?
Liza: No.
Cass: Then Liza, I think it’s time to start a new book, because your time is better spent writing unique stories rather than interviewing people, bears, geese and characters.
Liza: I'm planning to interview a kitten next.  Hold on! Did you just compliment me?
Cass: *frowns* Maybe. And I did so  despite the fact I’m not happy at all with my ghoulish looks, but at least you opened the door for me to get them removed.
Liza: Yes. I took a picture of you to a real physician who specializes in removing facial tattoos and got his recommendation of treatment.
Cass: But then you entirely ignored him when he suggested I be put under!
Liza: *grimaces* That was a little mean of me.
Cass: A little? I have to endure 8-20 excruciating procedures over the next year.
Liza: At least I made it cheap black ink. That’s the easiest to remove. Had I made it white tattoos you’d be stuck with them forever. Lasers can’t remove the color white.
Cass: Then thank you for not reducing my future career opportunities down to one: working on the streets as a mime.
Liza: Well, I’m sure you would have been an excellent mime, given how expressive your face is even when covered in black.
Cass: Can we return to the interview?
Liza: I’m frustrated with this interview. You keep taking charge of it.
Cass: That’s because mentally, I have more life experience than you.
Liza *gets up and goes to the door. Opening it, she waves in handsome Troy.* Come on in. We need eye candy.
Troy: *eyes narrow* I am not eye candy.
Liza: Yes, you are, but you are high quality candy. You are a dark chocolate truffle.
Cass: Stop flirting with Troy and get back to the interview.
Liza: Troy, any chance you are going to jump Cass’ bones in the next…let’s say five years?
Troy: None whatsoever and change the topic.
Liza: What if I told you Cass was actually an 80-year-old woman who inexplicably woke up in a teenager’s body?
Troy: If I thought you actually believed that, I would suggest therapy. However, your sense of humor is legendary…rather like Hiroshima.
Cass: *nods* Or that Tsunami that hit Asia years ago.
Liza: *big huff* I am never interviewing you two again. You’re too unruly. You can go away now.
Troy: Don’t you still need to tell everyone about the book?
Liza: I do, but I’m no longer in the mood. I’ll let them watch my spectacular trailer created by Danielle Fine. If that doesn’t get them to want to read the book, then you two are taking the blame.




Cass: Wow…someday I’m going to be beautiful!

Troy: *frowns* I’m more concerned over the doubt hovering over your survival. Let’s go. This place isn’t secure enough.

Liza: Bye, thanks for coming. *Big Sigh* Honestly, I’m not interviewing my characters anymore. It’s like they can read my mind.
Here’s all the valuable information you need to know to buy Saving Casey.  Be decisive!
Click and buy now! It’s unique, like me.
And really good….unlike me.


Saving Casey Available at


Don’t wait!
The super volcano under Yellowstone Park
 could explode tomorrow.



Now to this gift stuff:

For your chance to win the fabulous prize of a Nook eReader for a friend, plus 45 Decadent Publishing ebooks for both of you, obey the commands of Rafflecopter:


Thursday, November 15, 2012

BIG DAY FOR LIZA


November 16 is a big day for me.

Today,

I am unveiling my debut novel, 

Saving Casey.


And instead of a blurb, I give you this fabulous trailer to explain what it’s about:


Wasn’t that a terrific trailer? 
Hats off to Danielle Fine for her ‘Fine’ work.
(I bet she’s heard that about a billion times.)

I can see you are enthralled, so while you are in this semi-mesmerized state, here are places you can buy the ebook:


If you don’t have an ereader, then you need to go straight over to
Decadent Publishing  and follow the daily blogs for the next month so that you have a great deal of chances to win a Nook. 

Now the Nook is supposed to be for a friend, but who’s your best friend, if not yourself?
(I’m probably going to get into all sorts of trouble for suggesting that…sure hope no one is reading my blog. 

Not you. I’m glad you’re reading my blog. In fact we can be best friends if you like. Then if you win the grand prize, I will insist you keep the Nook and I will happily take the second set of 45 books. (There are some really superb writers at DP.)

That’s it for my news.
1
Debut book, Saving Casey is waiting for you to buy it.
2
My fabulous trailer is revealed, making you really want to buy my book.
3
And Allison Merritt won my Saving Casey Quiz which I gave before my book was out, which meant no one had a clue to the correct answers. Allison  got 7 answers correct which means she has great intuitive abilities.  Congrats to Allison who wins a copy of my ebook, Saving Casey.


Everyone else should:

BUY SAVING CASEY

BUY SAVING CASEY

YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO

NO REASON NOT TO

YOU CAN READ IT WHILE THE TURKEY BURNS.

Bono Books     Amazon    Barnes&Noble

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Liza the Gremlin Slayer





Not enough to eradicate the pests forever,
but enough to progress forward.


Fortunately,they rarely escape into my actual life.
I'm lucky that way. However, they are the bane of my existence in the digital world.

First and foremost, I am convinced they change my novels while I sleep.


The results is that I cannot ever reach clean copy.

EVER.
So don't even ask.
Can't be done.

But I continue to try, thinking, 
this time will be different. 
This time I will achieve perfection.

However, my gremlins have been running a muck in my efforts with my newly purchased domain: www.LizaOConnor.com

I wished to forward it with masking to my blogger, where I discovered how to make pages and thus pull in my current website so I can have my cake and eat it too. 
Clear as mud, right?


Now this should have been easy.
Should have been,
but wasn't.



Too many places for Gremlins to show up.

And boy did they.

The forwarding refused to happen because I could not get an authorization code embedded into my Domain data. The reason is because a gremlin got into Blogger and put a tiny little period at the end of the authorization code.

With the help of a laughing tech person (he thought me funny) we slaughtered that gremlin.

However, I have been trying for two days to get some changes to my website done. Some came through, but others stubbornly refuse.

Even weirder, they seem to work on one computer, but not on another computer. That makes me think this may be a cache gremlin and not the hosting variety.


Warning to Gremlins:
Be ye disappearing words, bad grammar, incorrect punctuation, caching, or hosting gremlins,
I will hunt you down.
You can hide, but I will find you by
 your trail of devastation.
You can replicate into the millions, but I will have no mercy on your offspring.
I am Liza-the Gremlin Slayer
Your days are numbered.