Friday, March 29, 2013

Liza Kidnaps Kidnapped by Maria Hammarblad

God dag peeps! 

No. I'm not cursing at you. I just said Good Day in Swedish. Which according to my intense research is how they say Hello.

Peep Rep: Intense research? You made one google and looked at 3 sites.

Liza: *ignores peep rep*  Today I've kidnapped a book that caught my eye. 



Peep Rep: And how are you going to make it tell us about itself. You've tied it up so we can even read the story.

Liza: I thought of that Mr. smarty pants. 
I've also kidnapped the author so she could speak for her book. However, since the #1 complaint from all my kidnap victims is the quantity of rope I use to tie them is excessive, heavy, and often clashes with their outfits. One victim--I can't remember which, there have been so many--suggested that a pair of fuzzy handcuffs would be better. So I'm giving it a try.

Here's my the author of my kidnapped book. Can anyone guess who it is.

Peep Rep: I'm going out on a limb and guessing Maria Hammarblad.

Liza: Very good, how did you guess?

Peep: You failed to bag the book.

Liza: I know. I couldn't get a bag big enough to go around the ropes and putting a bag on the top wouldn't help since Maria's name was on the bottom. 

Maria: Liza, The handcuffs are nice, but can we dump the heavy tangle of rope around my feet. I have to hop about like a rabbit.

Liza: A very slow rabbit, which is why they are there. 

Maria: *hops to chair and sits down* Well, let's get his over with. What do you want to know?

Liza: I gather your book isn't about how to kidnap a person. Otherwise you'd know not to put out a doormat saying: välkommen  
which I believe means Welcome in Swedish.

Maria: It does. 

Liza: In sorting through my victim's belongings looking for pink handcuffs, I discovered Maria was born in Sweden and when younger, spent a great deal of time playing in rock bands. 


I found the following music video which I believe is hers.  *removes the head from Maria's head* See, it's Maria.

Maria: That's not me in the video. That's Lykke Li.  

Liza: Looks like your eyes.

Maria: Can we move this along. I expect to be rescued soon.

Liza: If you are expecting your border collie mix, Bonnie, to rescue you, think again. I tied her up too.

Maria: Liza, that's not funny! 

Liza: What do you think Peep Rep?

Peep Rep: It's a little funny. You seriously think that's going to stop the dog? I'm with Maria, you need to move the kidnapping along, because Bonnie's on her way. 

Liza: No, she's not. But just in case, could you tell us what Kidnapped is about?

Peep Rep: Please don't let it be about a lunatic who kidnaps authors.
It's a late winter night when Patricia Risden heads home in her car, on a road she's driven many times before. She doesn't have a care in the world, that is, until a man appears from nowhere, right in front of her.
The next thing she knows is being a prisoner of the unscrupulous Alliance Commander Travis 152; an intimidating man who demands information and complete cooperation. Travis soon realizes his mistake; Tricia doesn't know anything, and she is incapable of even getting a glass of water from the ship's computer.
Infamous for being a ruthless executioner, conditioned since childhood to feel nothing besides fear and pain, he still deems her harmless, and finds enough pity for the lost young woman to let her out of the cell; a decision that will change both their lives forever.

Liza: I had a guy step out in front of me one night when I was driving in the rain. I was in a bad section of town, no phone, no one knew where I was. So I had seconds to decide my fate.  Drive on or stop. The guy looked crazy. So I refused to stop. Fortunately, when I didn't slow down, he got out of the way. But it was a scary moment.

Peep Rep: Don't care. We want an excerpt.

Liza: Yes, about the excerpt, I think we've been played. 

Peep Rep: What do you mean?

Liza: I think Maria lured me into kidnapping her by showing up on Jessica Subject's blog and dangling this book in front of me like a red cape to a bull. Then when I kidnap her, does her dog Bonnie object? No. Bonnie lets me tie her up. And now that I think of it, the pink handcuffs were very easy to find.
Peep Rep: You're sounding very paranoid.

Liza: Am I? Instead of just one excerpt, I found three--three really good excerpts. So good, if I showed all three, I guarantee you that every reader would buy this book and read it.
Peep Rep: Are you going to buy it?

Liza: I have no choice now. I read all three excerpts. The book is now in my head. I have to know what happens. 

Peep Rep: What if it costs a million dollars?

Liza: In that case, I 'll make her tell me the story from memory.  But in consideration for everyone's wallets, I won't provide all three excerpts. However, if you can afford the book, by all means buy it.
Time passed and Patricia lost track of it. She tried to call out, "Hello," but no one seemed to care, and there was nothing to do but wait.

The erratic movements of the room still made her feel miserable, but it eventually settled down, and an unknown amount of time later, a portion of a wall seemed to just dissolve, showing the dark silhouette of the man. From her position, sitting on the floor, he seemed impossibly tall, and his clothes impossibly black. Even his boots appeared just to absorb any light that might come their way.

He hunched down in front of her, and watched her pale face thoughtfully. "You're space sick."

Patricia knew agreeing would be the safest thing to do, but she couldn't stop herself. She shouted, "No! I can't be space sick because I'm not in space, because that's crazy! I rolled with my car and I'm just unconscious. Leave me alone."

The man ignored her and reached out with his ungloved hand, plunging her into a fit of panic. She scrambled to get backwards away from him, but there was nowhere to go. "Sit still. If I wanted to hurt you, you'd be dead now."

His words didn't really soothe her; she was still convinced he wanted to kill her, that he'd just snap her neck, and she so wanted to live a little longer. Earlier in her life she had wasted time recklessly, and now every minute seemed precious.

Her expression must have amused him because a shadow of a smile tugged at his lips. It didn't quite reach his eyes, but it was the first emotion she'd seen on his face, and it made her feel marginally better. Maybe he was human after all. She stopped fighting when he pressed a finger against her skin, explaining to her frightened glance, "Pressure point. This should make you feel better."

To her surprise he didn't hurt her, and she did feel better. Once the queasiness receded she even dared ask for a glass of water. Her voice sounded small and pathetic, reminding her of a cornered mouse, but it got steadier after a couple of words, and she had to settle for thinking this was a good thing.

Her warder shrugged and went over to a portion of the wall, pressing his hand against it, making a console fold out of what seemed to be solid metal. He punched a couple of buttons and returned with a cup made from a soft, plastic-like material. 

Patricia clutched it, trying to force herself to sip, but water had never tasted so good.


The silence in the cell seemed almost tangible and she swallowed hard. She didn't have much hope that pleading to the cold eyes staring at her could be successful, but she still tried her best, "Please don't rape me."

It was her biggest fear after being murdered, and she wasn't at all prepared for his response; he started laughing.

She had the impression he didn't laugh often, and it changed his entire appearance. The handsome side became boyish and even better looking, and the nightmarish part of his face somehow softened. 

"Rape you? Now why would I want to do that to a skinny little thing like you?"


The response made her feel both relieved and offended. Someone looking like he didn't even have a thought of having sex with her?

He surprised her again, by sitting down on the floor next to her, mercifully turning the ruined side of his face away. "I'm Travis 152 of the Alliance space control."

The phrase wasn't exactly "space control," but it was the closest thing her brain could interpret it to. And, "Travis?" What kind of name was that for someone like him?

"You're my prisoner, and this is a holding cell. You're charged for interacting with the rebel leader William Reynolds."

He paused, as if checking if his words made any sense to her. Patricia did understand, she understood just fine, and she burst out, "I am an American citizen. Whoever you are, you can't just take me like this."

He answered dryly, "Yes, actually, I can. I did. And it's not like your little planet, what did you call it, America, will be able to do anything about it. I can assure you everything will be much easier if you just cooperate and tell me what you know. Do you have a name?"

Patricia managed to sound cheekier than she felt when she replied, "I'm Patricia Risden. The name of the planet is Earth, America is a country. It's a democracy and we have a constitution, and people will come looking for me!"

He didn't smile, but he lifted an eyebrow, and removed a gadget from his belt. To Patricia, it looked a little like an iPod. It wasn't, of course, unless Apple had developed interstellar connections. "I'm sure they will, but look here."
She recognized the solar system, it was the only thing it could be, and on the little screen it looked like they were making good time on Pluto. 

Glancing over at him, she wondered if he was lying, but it didn't feel like it.


***
Liza: Let's get the buy link, because I want to buy this book.
BUY LINK
FOR

Liza: Yes, I can afford this book! All I'll have to do is delay buying Jess treats for a week--
Jess: *sneezes-which she does when she's annoyed* There's a border collie outside named Bonnie that wants her person back.
Bonnie: Maria? Are you in there? 

Maria: Bonnie, did you come to rescue me?

Bonnie: Of course. I would travel into outer space to find you.

Liza: Jess, would you do that for me.

Jess: Sure. Can I have my treats now?

Liza: Sorry, I need the money for Kidnapped.
Jess: *puts sign in window*
 Liza: Good luck with that. 

Peep Rep: Can we return to Maria? She's far more interesting.

Liza: I agree. My extensive research came up with several interesting facts. First, she has 3 upcoming releases.
Flashback, 
to be released by Desert Breeze 
Publishing June 2013

Operation Earth, 
to be released by Desert Breeze 
Publishing August 2013

Borealis XII, 
to be released by Desert Breeze 
Publishing November 2013

While snooping about her house I discovered the following facts:
Favorite color:             Blue
Favorite food:              Chicken with cashew nuts
Doesn't eat:                  Mammals
Favorite TV Show:       Star Trek TNG and Leverage
Favorite animal:           Border Collie
Quotes:                        "Full Speed Ahead" and "Caffeine is good for you"

Liza: And here's my interpretation of Maria's Bio:

As a child, Maria believed she was an alien, mistakenly dropped off with humans.
Born in Sweden in the early 1970's, Maria showed a large interest for books at an early age. Even before she was able to read or write, she made her mom staple papers together into booklets she filled with drawings of suns and planets. She proudly declared them, "The Sun Book." They were all about the sun. She also claimed, to her mother's horror, that her being on Earth was a big mistake and that her alien family would come and bring her home at any moment. This never happened, but both the interest in space and the passion for bookmaking stayed with her.

As an adult, Maria became a sword welding rocker, geek--

Peep Rep: Best not call sword wielding people 'geeks'

Liza: Good  point. As an adult Maria became a sword wielding rocker, genius who wrote an award winning screenplay.

As an adult Maria's creativity got an outlet through playing bass in a number of rock bands, and through writing technical manuals and making web pages for various companies and organizations. She did write drafts for a few novels, but the storytelling muse was mostly satisfied through role playing online on Myspace. It was here, while writing stories together with people from around the globe, she stumbled onto Mike. They started talking out of character, and she moved over to Florida to him late 2008. Today the two are married and live in the Tampa Bay area with three rescue dogs.
Besides writing and playing bass, Maria enjoys driving off-road, archery, and Tameshigiri. She is also an award winning screenwriter.

Liza: Before I let you go, can you tell us more about the screenplay?

Maria: You know, it’s hard to think--all handcuffed and stuff… The screenplay is based on Kidnapped, and I entered it into a few screenwriting contests just to see if it would get anywhere. It made it to a couple of semi-finals, and won both the 2012 Royal Palm Awards and the 2012 Dahris Clair award. Now I have a little golden dude sitting in my bookshelf. I like to pretend he’s an Oscar.


Liza: Well, I'm impressed. Now if you would be so kind to promote my book...

Maria: Sorry, what?

Liza: I need you to say nice things about my book, Saving Casey. Otherwise, I can't deduct my expenses incurred kidnapping off my taxes.

Maria: Saving Casey is fantastic, of course. I mean I haven't actually read it yet, but I've read the blurb. I want to know more about the "rugged security specialist." If I ever get out of these cuff, of course...

Liza: Thanks. Bonnie come get your mom. Sorry about making your find your way home, but I spent my last dime buying Kidnapped.

Here's Maria's personal links for you to legally stalk her.


PEEPS! Leave a comment. I love comments and I'm sure Maria does too. Your love gives us reason to write future novels. 




20 comments:

  1. Where are my peeps? Peep Rep, go round up your constituents.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Another bizarre but fascinating kidnapping from Liza. LOL The excerpt from Kidnapped is a great hook--I can see why Liza spent her last dime on it. Nice interview, ladies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Jenna. You are right, you had stopped by, only I didn't know that because I was visiting all the other blogs, then I clicked back over and it said I only had one comment, which I knew was me. So I got sad...and stupid. Actually I stupid, causing my sadness. I forgot to refresh the page. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

      Delete
    2. Thank you for coming over! Being kidnapped by Liza wasn't bad, I had it much easier than the characters in the book, lol. I'm relieved to be rid of all that rope, though. :-)

      Delete
  3. Always fun to stop by and see how you kidnapped. :) Great excerpt and interview.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Karen. After this there will be a serious interview...prepare yourself.

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. Thank you Casea. Laughter is good for us.

      Delete
  5. Funny! Go, Bonnie to the rescue! Sounds like a good book!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I've decided to allow pets to save their owners. But only when I planned to release them anyway.

      Delete
  6. Sorry, I was so sure I'd come by before I went out to do errands, but it's been that kind of week. Loved the interview. Maria, I'm wishing you many sales. I tweeted.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for tweeting. I think you stopped by my blog tour. So you aren't going crazy, my tour schedule is.

      Delete
  7. LOL, you're kidnappings are so fun!
    The book sounds great. Poor kidnapper, though... grabbing the wrong girl like that. Loved the excerpt :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh you Maria's kidnapper. I was about to object I didn't grab the wrong person, but Travis 152 definitely screwed up.

      Delete
    2. Hahaha, he sure did. I wonder if he would have bothered with Earth if he could have foreseen the consequences... LOL

      Delete
  8. Ack. I left a comment earlier. Thought it took it. :(

    Border Collies are my favorite. We had ours over 18 yrs and she died a few months ago. Smartest breed their is and was like Lassie with the children. Would have take Liza DOWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. No, mine would have. Cattle herder and all that. Loved cats though.

    The story sounds wonderful. You get that feeling that a long her kidnapping way, she ends up wanting to be 'tied' back up. :)

    Bobbi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. when I was in Australia, an Australian sheeper wanted to show off his brilliant Border collie. He sent the dog off to gather and herd sheep except he kept blowing the whistle causing the dog to stop and then sheep would spread out and the dog would have to gather them up again. Every time, the dog got more and more pissed. Finally, he'd had enough with his stupid ass owner and ignored the whistle, bringing the sheep all the way to the barn then stopped and glared at the man in fury. Man apologized to us and said the dog was usually smarter. As far as I was concerned, the dog was plenty smart, and considered itself a hundred times smarter than the man.

      Delete
  9. Great interview! I love the kidnapping scene with the car mentioned in the blurb.

    I always feel guilty when I don't stop for people on the side of the road, but what are you supposed to do in these days?

    Congrats on your release!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thank you so much for having me, I mean, bad Liza kidnapping people like that. (LOL!) This was a blast! =D

    ReplyDelete

Authors love to get comments. It's candy to our souls.
Please take the time to leave one.

After 3 days, comments require moderation.