Sunday, August 17, 2014

Kristen Brockmeyer asks Liza O'Connor some very odd questions

 

Kristen Brockmeyer & 1 planned to flip blogs. I would have her book over to my site and she'd have me on hers where she intended to ask me some very odd questions. Unfortunately, she had to fire her gall bladder. So I told her not to worry about her questions, I'd put them here on my site a half day early. She needs to focus on getting well.

I have no idea if she'll listen to me or not. If she ignores me and puts the blog on her site I'll send you guys over there. Otherwise you can read her odd questions here which provoked me to be odder still.

Peep Rep has volunteered to ask her questions. Take it away my little imaginary friend.


Peep Rep: Have you ever done something really unbelivable, only to have no one around to see it?

Liza: I once came upon a giant 14 foot tall moose with huge antlers at least 6 feet wide. At first, I thought it was a wooden cut-out of an oversized, outraged moose, used to make people take notice of the little shack and parking lot that cut into the thick forest. However, when it stepped forward and lowered its head to make mincemeat out of my Subaru, I declared it real, and me toast. I had just crossed the Canadian border back into the US about ten minutes before. It was moose season in Canada, and I fear this guy lost a loved one or a great deal of loved ones in their hunt, for he was seething with rage.

I was on a curvy logging road. There was no way I could go forward, not with that monster claiming the road. My only choice was turn into the parking lot he’d been standing on before he decided to claim the road. I intended to turn my car around and drive back in the direction of Canada. Once I had my car facing North, I stopped to assess my chances of living through this.

The moose watched, waiting for me to try to run, so it could catch me from the back and roll my little car over and over until I was as dead as his loved ones. (I recalled the giant metal hunk that my fishing guide said used to be a pickup truck until a moose demolished it.)
I’m staring at the moose, still struggling to comprehend how it could be that big, all the while my right hand is flailing about searching for the camera. I was afraid if I took my eyes off the beast, it would charge, that the only thing that kept it still was our mooso a’ meo eye lock.  All the while, it’s getting angrier and angrier.

Then I hear a rumbling. A log truck is coming around the corner. It’s going to crash into Godzilla moose and logs are going to bury my car. My last seconds to live: I watch in slow motion as Godzilla moose turns into Bullwinkle with long gangly legs and manages to disappear into the woods right before the truck flies by.

And then my hand finds the camera.
I had just seen the biggest moose in the world and no one would ever believe it. I turned the car back and continued to the US interstate where traffic stopped due to NORMAL size moose. They looked like an entirely different species than the moose that nearly killed me.

Peep Rep: If you don't make you answers shorter this is going to be the longest blog in history. 

Liza: I promise to get to the point faster.

Peep Rep: Do you lick the lids on your yogurt or pudding containers?


Liza: Of course I do. How else can I claim it mine?

Peep Rep: What’s the most unique thing you can tell us about yourself?

Liza: I am 0% normal, I was raised by feral cats, and I cannot follow directions.

Peep Rep: I can attest to all of that being true. Oh, dear, I know the answer to this question. Please don't go on & on about it.
Do you believe in ghosts.

Liza: Since I have one living in my house (original owner) I have to say yes. At first, she was very noisy, walking about, opening doors and cabinets, but except for the moving rugs, I barely realize she’s around anymore. She still gets very upset if I let men in her bedroom.

Peep Rep: Do you have a favorite childhood memory?


Liza: Actually I do, despite the feral cat blockage.  I remember being mauled by 12 small black and tan puppies as I lay laughing on the grass. Some were pulling on my shoe strings. Some had my hair. Others were pulling on my stretched out hand-me-down shirt, and one was licking my nose. I was never happier than that moment.

Peep Rep: Pick up the book closest to you. Turn to page 12. What's the first full sentence on the page?

Liza: Houston, we have a problem. The closest book is an ebook and it doesn’t have page numbers. The second closest book is What Jane Austen Ate and Charles Dickens Knew by Daniel Pool and page 12 is EMPTY.  It’s the spacer between the table of content and the start of the book. So I go to the third closest book, which is Costumes in pictures by Phillis Cunnington and page 12 has a picture that looks like a woman but is titled ‘Nobleman in long tunic (13th Century).  It makes me wonder if the artist didn’t know how to draw men’s faces or like Vic does in the Late Victorian era, women were disguising themselves as men even back then so they could have a better life.  Going on the Strike 3-You’re out rule, I’ll stop reaching out for books and move on to your next question now.

Peep Rep: Yes, please! Who is your favorite author of all time?

Liza: Douglas Adams and Jane Austen…both are funny in their own ways.

Peep Rep: What are you currently working on? 

Liza: The Xavier & Vic series, and some spin offs it generated.

Peep Rep: What book have you released most recently? 

Liza: Book one of The Adventures of Xavier & Vic series: The Troublesome Apprentice

Peep Rep: Can we read a little of it? 

Liza: Here’s a bit between Vic and Xavier. Vic is a young woman who dresses as a young man because life is more interesting for men in the Late Victorian era.  Xavier is the greatest sleuth England has ever known. He recently hired Vic on as an apprentice.  Vic speaks 1st.


“Should we not have guns? The man will be armed.”

“And what makes you think that?”

“He could not even climb in a window without assistance. He’ll not be depending on his physical prowess to get him out of trouble. I imagine he carries a gun wherever he goes, but he will certainly have one on him tonight.” Vic decided Claire needed her eyes examined. Xavier was exceptionally handsome when he smiled.

“I also always carry a gun. What does that say about me, I wonder?” His right eyebrow rose in a teasing challenge.

“Given your occupation, you are constantly in dodgy situations. It is very rational for you to carry one. I should have a weapon as well.”

“Do you currently possess a firearm?”

“No,” Vic admitted.

“Have you ever fired a pistol?”

“No, but it hardly seems difficult. All one must do is point and pull.”

“Nonetheless, you will not carry a weapon until I have taught you how to shoot. Tonight, you must play a supporting role and allow me to subdue the criminal.”

Peep Rep: Where can we buy it? 

Liza:You don't know where to find my book?

Peep Rep: Of course I do. I'm just reading Kristen's questions. And it's a good question, so stop giving me grief and answer it.




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5 comments:

  1. Loved that moose story, except the dead relatives part.

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    1. Well, I don't actually know if that is true. The moose didn't tell me why he was so pissed and wanted to kill me. I just surmised the possibility.

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  2. What a funny moose story. I never saw any when I went to Canada, nor did I see any when I was up north in Michigan. Even a regular moose would have been nice to see. Oh well. The puppies were a cute image. :)

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    Replies
    1. It's funny you should mention that. The only moose I saw in Canada was in a museum. I began to call them 'alleged moose' which was annoying the Canadians. I had to return to USA to find a moose...oh, maybe that's why he wanted to kill me. He knew I'd been calling him 'alledged'.

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