Sunday, December 23, 2012

Kittens at an Author Party

Welcome to the Kitten Author Party. If you are human, you will have restricted rights. You may laugh, but do nothing else. This is not your party, it's ours.

Writing Kitten, Tell Ado: What if no one comes to our Author Party?

Marketing Maniac, Kitty-Kitty: Are you kidding? I’ve promoted this all over town. Everybody, who’s anybody will be here.

WK: I think I'll go hide.

MM: What? No! They are coming to see you. I’ve told them all about Saving Casey and your other books!

WK: My book is called Saving Kitty. Liza’s version is called Saving Casey.

MM: Well, they’ve read Liza’s version and can’t wait to publish your version.

WK: Liza’s not going to like that.

MM: We just won’t tell her. Seriously, humans are clueless. Most don’t know we kittens even have a publishing industry at all. Speaking of which, here comes one of several publishers I invited.

Welcome Archer, have a seat and the paper.
Archer: I didn’t come to read the paper. I want to read Tell Ado’s version of Saving Casey. I loved the human version. I laughed, cried, and yowled in rage. Fabulous book.

MM: I’ll let Tell Ado know you wish to read her book. Ah and here’s Thatcher, from Young Kittens Publishing.  May I  offer you…oh I see you brought your own book.

Thatcher: Yes, Saving Casey by Liza O’Connor. I couldn’t put it down. I would have stayed at home had you not promised you had a kitten who writes like Liza.

MM: They write almost as if Tell Ado lives in her head. 
Here’s Shakespeare, the best scribe that’s ever been. Come in Shakes, I got a new author for you.

SS: Great!  I’ve heard about Tell Ado's giant head, so I brought backup in case I need help typing all these stories.

We work in shifts. That’s Snoozeball.

MM: Well done Shakespeare! Now, I invited the best editor there is, however, she can’t show until later, but that’s not a problem since first Tell Ado has to first tell you the story of Saving Kitty.

Thatcher: Saving Kitty?

MM: Just think of Saving Casey with Cats and Kittens.

Thatcher: So Old Cat is going to die and inexplicably wake up in the body of a young kitten, and she decides to take on the young kitten’s life.

MM: And foolishly thinks all her life experiences will make it an easy turnaround.

Thatcher: Does she name the prior kitten, Old Kitty and herself New Cat.

SS: *typing furiously* Hold on, I’m getting confused.

MM: Here’s Tell Ado. She can tell her story.

All: *Gasp!*

WK: I know my head is ginormous.

MM: It’s okay. Once you share your stories, your head will return to normal.

WK: Then let’s get started. I can barely walk with this giant blimp head.

*Hours later*

WK: That’s it for Saving Casey.

Thatcher: I’ll give you a five year supply of catnip for the rights to the book.

WK: I love catnip.

Archer: You better love a giant head as well, because you’ll be so junked up with catnip, you won’t be able to tell Shakespeare or Snoozeball what to type.

MM: What’s your offer?

Archer: Quarterly shipments of Kitty treats.

Thatcher: I’ll match that and provide a live mouse every six months as a bonus.

Archer: Moist, premium kitty treats, and two mice each quarter.

Thatcher: Cans of sardines and thirty mice a month.

Archer: *glares at Thatcher* Try to make a profit on that. Yes, it’s a fabulous book, but Tell Ado is unknown.

WK: My namesake is the most prolific writer in human history. 

Archer: Perhaps, but her last book was published in 2006. The young kittens coming up don’t know her. AND, you are not her. You are a talented young author, who shows promise. However, we have no proof that you’ll survive the editorial process.
MM: speaking of which, the editorial cats have arrived. 

ED YUK: I hate the word ‘that’, all forms of ‘to be’, and echoes.

ED BITE: I hate the word “thing”. If you can’t find a better word, then you don’t deserve to call yourself a writer.  Also, I detest unnecessary fluff, redundancies, and flashbacks. And if you use an adjective, I will bite you. And if you are told to change something, CHANGE IT! Do not argue with me! 

TA: But Maniac, what if I truly believe the editors have misunderstood my writing and I'm right?
MM: Then we bring in Ed Thug. He has no trouble  being the bad cop.

TA: Okay, okay. I’ll change the paragraph. It’s not worth drowning over.

MM: Wise choice Tell Ado. I knew you were going to be a good investment.So for your Sr. Editor, I found the best in the business: Sr. Ed. Terrior

WK: But that’s a dog. I’m terrified of dogs.

MM: Me too. But EVERYONE: cats, mice, dogs, seals, elephants, and lions all agree that this little terrier is the best in the business. She’s meticulous, tenacious, dedicated, and determined that every story is presented the best it can be. So suck up your fear of dogs and thank God you have her.

TA: If I do, can I avoid the others?

MM: No. They all have their purposes and skills, even Thug.

TA: And what is that?

MM: To make you a better writer and your books a better read. Remember the fighter’s motto: No pain, no gain. You can’t do this alone. You need your army of experts.

TA: *breaths in deep* I’ll try. So which publisher should I go with?

MM: Not sure. Let’s get drunk on eggnog and then decide.

1.     Will Tell Ado’s head shrink to a normal size?
2.     Which Publisher will Tell Ado choose?
3.     And can Dogs and Cats work together? Or will this become an editorial disaster?

This blog brought to you by Maniac Advertising


  1. Lmao. Those cats are crazy! Loved it!

    1. Kittens thank you for your support. I've told them I'll put them in a box if they can't bring in more readers. I know it's harsh, but there are no free rides. Not even for adorable kittens. Maniac replied that if I'd give away a car to one lucky commenter I'd get a lot of comments. Sadly, Maniac has no sense of financial matters.


Authors love to get comments. It's candy to our souls.
Please take the time to leave one.

After 3 days, comments require moderation.