Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Liza Kidnaps Melissa

Since I got by with my first kidnapping, I thought I’d try another one, but with better rope . 

This time I’m heading off to Australia. 

As some of you may know I spent four glorious months down under and if there is an easy going people who might consider a kidnapping a great lark, it’s an Aussie.

I just hope the IRS will accept the cost of my first class plane flight as a legitimate marketing expense for marketing my book Saving Casey. If not, I may be returning to Australia to hide from my credit card company.

Well, I’ve got two days to retrieve her. Sounds easy enough, but if I recall, this flight takes a gazillion hours and you gain and then lose a day, so if you arrive to my blog and its just white paper, just drink a large vodka and keep staring at the screen. I’ll show up eventually.

Peeps sit and stare at white space waiting for Liza

I’m back! And with me is an Australian author.  I found her in Perth.

How you ask?

Finding my author was easy. Finding Perth? Not such much. Seriously, that place is hard to get to.

So here’s my new kidnap victim. She's evidently so tired from her 14 hours in the cargo hold that she can't sit up straight:

Anyone want to guess who it is?

I’ll give you a few hints.
She’s written two novels. One is an erotic vampire novel and the other is a sweet Aussie romance.

Aussie Peep- Is it Melissa Kendell?

Liza: Very good. How did you know that?

Aussie Peep: There’s an all point bulletin asking for information on her whereabouts. Perth wants her back.

Liza:*removes bag from Melissa’s head*

Hey Melissa, did you hear that. You are loved by the mythical location called Perth.
 Melissa: Good to see you Liza. Nice to be out of the plane.

Liza: Sorry I had to bring you back in cargo, but I worried if I tried to sneak you into first class, someone would alert airline security.

Melissa: Tied up with a bag on my head…I imagine that would draw attention.

Liza: Thanks for understanding. You weren’t too cold were you?

Melissa: You’d be surprised how warm three layers of nylon rope can be. However, in the future, you might want to pop an oxygen tank under the bag. The air got a mite thin.

Liza: This is why I love Australians. They are so easy to work with. But just to be safe, I need to pay you a dollar.

Melissa: Thanks, what’s that for.

Liza: It’s your expert consultant fee.

Melissa: What’s the topic?

Liza: The topic is a book called Fall In Love.

Melissa: *laughs* Oddly enough, I am expert on that book.

Liza: *wipes brow* Thank God, because otherwise there is no way the IRS was going to let me deduct the cost of kidnapping you.

So tell me about your story.

Melissa: Well, Michael Dunbar runs his family's cattle station in the far north of Western Australia. Station life is lonely and he wishes there was a way he could find a companion that wouldn’t mind living the outback life with him. In hopes of finding a woman, Michael heads to Broome for a few weeks holiday. What he finds is something he never expected.

Liza: A gator?

Melissa: We have crocodiles, not alligators.

Liza: A crocodile?

Melissa: I said ‘unexpected.’ Croc are everywhere.

Liza: Then what?

Melissa: Mia Mason, a Perth girl who longs to leave the city behind for a life in the country.
Can two like minds fall in love? Only destiny knows.

Liza: What a minute! You’re supposed to be the expert here. Don’t foist the questions off on destiny.

Melissa: How about I read you a part of my story?

Liza: *sits* at Melissa's tied feet* Yes, please.

Melissa: *speaks in a low voice* The white sands and the deep-blue sea of Cable Beach never ceased to amaze me.

Liza: Hold on. Why are speaking so low?

Melissa: Because we are in the mind of my hero.

Liza: Oh good. I thought you might have a cold from the airplane flight. Go on with your story.

Melissa: As a child we’d visited Broome a couple of times for family holidays, though we had a pond at home, it was nothing compared to the ocean.

As I admired the scenery around me, I saw a camel train headed my way. Of all the things I’d experienced on previous visits to Broome, a camel ride wasn’t one of them. I decided I’d correct that on my trip.

Liza: Are camels native to Australia?

Melissa: No. Now let me finish…
Just as the camels passed by, the wind whipped something at my face. It scared the crap out of me. At once I grabbed the item and held it out in front of me—a straw hat. I searched around for an owner.

When I glanced up, I saw a stunning, petite brunette looking down at me from her seat on one of the camels. She appeared very apologetic as the camel train continued to move forward. I ran to catch up with the sluggish animals and I handed the hat back to the beautiful woman, feeling lucky I was tall enough to reach.

“Thank you,” she said as she tried to shake my hand.

It worried me she might fall off the camel as she reached for my hand, so, I just waved her away and said, “You’re welcome.”

I watched the camels continue up the beach for a little ways before I resumed my walk.

As I walked along the beach, every now and then, the waves lapped on to my feet. My mind wandered to the brown haired beauty perched on the camel’s back. I could tell from her thank you she had an Aussie accent. I wondered where she was from, or if I would ever see her again. If ever there were a woman whose beauty optimised what I viewed as perfection, she would be it. Her beauty was natural and understated, not marred by tonnes of make-up. And, although she was by no means fat, she wasn’t one of those stick thin girls you see with absolutely no curves. I wasn’t one to shy away from the fact I liked my women with curves.
I walked for about an hour then sat down on the beach and watched the red and yellow colours dance across the sky as the sun sank below the horizon.

After a while, I became hungry so I headed back to the hotel to grab some dinner at the restaurant.

Liza: I’m a bit hungry too. Can I order you something?

Melissa: Given I haven’t eaten in 14 hours, yes, food and something to drink would be appreciated.

Liza: I’ll order food if you continue the story.

Melissa: One of the main things I looked forward to during my holiday was the chance to eat something other than meat and vegetables for dinner. Don’t get me wrong, my mum was a great cook and no one did a better steak and mash than her. However, they say variety is the spice of life and I planned to spice up my life with many different dishes.

I headed back to my room to change before dinner. After a quick shower to rid myself of the salt from the beach, I pulled on a pair of well-worn jeans and a button-down shirt. I rolled the sleeves up to my elbows and on my way out the door, I grabbed the book I brought to read while I ate.

Though dining alone wasn’t one of my favourite things, I’d done it quite a few times. After the first couple of times I sat bored and twiddled my thumbs as I waited for my food, I now found time passed quicker if I had a book to read. This time around, I’d brought with me the latest John Grisham novel.

After ordering deep fried Camembert and cranberries for entrée and garlic butter lobster for the main course, I opened my book and began to read. I’d only read a few lines when I heard a very quiet, “Excuse me.”

When I looked up from my book, I expected to see a waitress with my entrée but instead, I saw the gorgeous woman from earlier. “Hi?” I said.

“It looks like you’re eating alone. Would you mind if I joined you?”

Stunned that she asked to sit with me, it took a few seconds for my thoughts to catch up. All I managed to say was, “Of course.”

“I’m Mia Mason,” she said as she took the seat opposite me and held her hand out to me.

“Michael Dunbar,” I replied as I shook her hand.
The moment we touched, I felt a strange, yet pleasurable sensation move up my arm and quickly spread throughout my body.

“Nice to meet you.” A cheeky grin lit up her face—as if she knew a secret nobody else did.

Liza: What’s her secret?

Melissa: You’ll have to read the book and find out.

Liza: You should stick to writing; you make a terrible consultant. A consultant is supposed to spew definitive answers at everyone. Do you at least know where we can buy your book?

Melissa: I do

Liza: Any chance you’ll tell us that?

Melissa: Absolutely

You can buy Fall In Love at

Liza: Can you tell us about yourself?

Melissa: I’m a 37 year-old stay at home mum and part-time Software Support Consultant.

Liza: Ha! I can imagine the support you give those poor people.

Customer: My program won’t open.
Melissa: Why do you think that is?
Customer: I don’t know. It’s why I called you. Should I try rebooting?
Melissa: Will rebooting solve the problem, or has the program terminally crashed, only destiny knows.

 Liza: Melissa lives in Perth Western Australia, the most isolated capital city in the world. I’m serious, no one can find this place. I was in Australia for four months and never saw it once.

Here’s what else I discovered:

She’s always loved to read and write and spent most of her teens scribbling poetry and short stories on any scrap of paper she could get her hands on while all her friends were out licking toads. Over the years as daily life pressures got in the way she lost the passion for it. After her son was born, she discovered online books and her interest in writing was rekindled. It has been a large part of her life ever since.

And she’s a very good sport for letting me kidnap her, stuff her in the plane cargo, and bring her to America, just so she can pimp my book.

Melissa: I’m here to pimp YOUR book?

Liza: Well, if you don’t say something nice about it, I can’t take your kidnapping cost off as a marketing expense for my book.

Melissa: *sighs heavily* Buy Liza’s book Saving Casey. It’s surprisingly good.

Liza: Thank your for that entirely unexpected but deeply appreciated recommendation. Are you ready to go home?

Melissa: Since I came all this way, why don’t you show me around New York City?

Liza: Better not, I always get people lost in bad parts of town. I know, we’ll kidnap Nancy Goodman again and she can take us safely about the town.

And PEEPS PAY ATTENTION: while we’re gone, please buy a ton of Melissa’s books because she’ probably doesn’t want to return via cargo hold. So she’s going to need money.

Uh...more than that.... Just buy her book so she can get home in a respectable manner.


  1. I had so much fun Liza feel free to kidnap me any time :)

  2. Love this Liza! Melissa your books look great! Will definitely check then out!

    1. Thank you Nancy, for stopping by the scene of your recent kidnapping...and for not pressing charges.

  3. Hi, ladies. Loved the interview...book looks great.

    But, Liza, maybe you should reconsider taking marketing advise from someone named, Marketing MANIAC Kitty.

    Just a thought.


    1. I already take advise from Marketing Maniac Kitten. Did you mean to say I Shouldn't take advice from...? That's the exact mistake that got me Maniac to begin wish. My adviser meant to write, "Whatever you do, don't hire Marketing Maniac." But she forgot to proof and left out 'don't'.

  4. Sooo funny!! I can't wait for the next one.

    1. Next up is Nikki Bennett on the 18th. Nikki voluntarily agreed to come onto my site, so I'll try to be nice...but everything is relative you know.

  5. Maybe I'm still in shock from my recent visit with Liza, but I'm thinking you got off easy, Mel. If I can find five minutes to myself, your book is on my TBR pile, and I'm dying to get to it. Have a safe trip back to Oz.

    1. Well this is a kidnapping. You were a hard hitting interview. Those are different. Come 2/11 and you'll realize how easy you got off.

    2. Hey, nice site you have here! Keep up the excellent work!
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  6. Oh, I'd love to visit Australia. So jealous! I hope you have tons of fun! Very beautiful cover!

    1. If you like adventurous holidays, I strongly recommend Australia. I dived with the Great Whites, Toured the Red Center with a guide who kept trying to leave me in the desert, spent a day in a jewelry store helping the owner sort opals (they are very friendly) Did some class four rafting in Tasmania. The only thing you'll need to know is Aussies play down everything. If something is a mite dangerous, you will probably die. And all their snakes appear to deadly. But I highly recommend it.

    2. I also recomment Melissa's book, Fall in Love.

  7. Wow, these interviews just get more and more interesting. Loved it, Laze & Melissa!

    1. What I think you are saying is more and more out of control. lol

  8. Allison, thank you. I truly know no bounds.

  9. LOL Such a fun interview!! Liza, you and the gremlins are fantastic kidnappers! ;) Melissa, congrats on your release! And I'm glad that Liza let you go free! :) And, oh, so...how does an author go about getting kidnapped?! *hint, hint*


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